Guru's Talk

I Shall Be Writing Listening Quietly to the Voices Within

Translated and Edited by True Buddha Foundation Translation Team

After completing my 166th book, Accounts of Spiritual Travel, emotions welled up in me, for there is still much to be said. Therefore, I decided to write a book that records my inner thoughts, and the result is my 167th book, titled, Listening Quietly to the Voices Within, subtitled, Enrich the Dream of Life with Radiance and Color.

I live a quiet life in Leaf Lake, watching the first rays of sunrise and the evening sky of sunset every day. Frankly speaking, my life once shone with radiance, [and] I was showered with love and glory. I was received by tens of thousands of people at airports; I conducted dharma ceremonies attended by just as many; and I received their applause.

And today, I am living alone, in seclusion.

I have never set plans about what I want to do in the future, such as moving back, returning to Seattle from Leak Lake, or perhaps returning to my childhood home in Kaoshiung [in south Taiwan], or going back to Taichung [in central Taiwan] where I spent my growing-up years. Or will I be spending the rest of my life at Leaf Lake?

After completing the book, Accounts of Spiritual Travel, there was a night when I was taking a meditative walk [walking quietly while chanting a mantra or a Buddha’s or Bodhisattva’s name, with full concentration, becoming one with the Buddha or Bodhisattva] along the mountain under a full moon. I was gazing at the far horizon, at an ocean of fog which permeated everything, when I felt the doors of my heart suddenly open. I closed my eyes for a moment and listened to the inner voices within me.

These voices felt joyous, and yet melancholic. Was it joy or sadness? I could not really tell. Anyway, it had the same emotional feeling that one would get when one reached the top of a mountain and was enjoying the view of a rolling sea of clouds.

It was much like the feeling of leaving Kaoshiung where I had spent my childhood; leaving Taichung, where I had spent my growing-up years; leaving Seattle, where I had spent the prime of my life; and if I were to leave Leaf Lake, where I am now in my retreat.

Should I react with joy?

Or should I react with sadness?

If there be a day when the Three Holy Sages of the Western Paradise—Amitabha Buddha, Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva, and Mahasthamaprapta Bodhisattva—and the assembly of holy beings receive me, [they will] welcome me with a great dharma ship adorned with all kinds of precious jewels, glowing with an all-pervading radiance. And they will place necklaces of pearls and jade around my neck and adorn my body with precious gems.

They will come with canopies decorated with hundreds of thousands of colours to welcome my returning, and there will be wonderful celestial beings whose haloes of light illuminate one another, radiating their lights into infinity in all their magnificence, and everything will be dignified and solemn. They will arrive to welcome me back to the Maha Twin Lotus Ponds, which resides on the other shore. My six media senses will be purified and I will be free from all emotional afflictions, abiding in the never-receding realm where one achieves Buddhahood.

The question is:

"Can I quietly reach the other shore from this shore, and then forget all the disciples whom I dearly miss, and leave without any feelings of worry or concern?"

Wouldn't I be sad?

Wouldn't I miss them?

What about the five million disciples in the Samsara world?

I realize it is impossible for me not to miss my disciples when I leave this world.

However, my remaining in this world inevitably leaves me in sorrow. There is pain in leaving, and pain in staying. My heart says very simply, "Who is free from regrets?"

Perhaps I have scattered too many emotional pieces of friendship in this world which I simply cannot gather up, and my heart feels so heavy that I doubt that even the radiant dharma ship can carry it.

Let me pen a poem on Listening Quietly to the Voices Within:

No one can hold on to the time in their life forever

And I have already spent several decades in this world

When the time comes to board the returning dharma ship

How can I ever hold back my tears?

Because, simply, the baggage of friendship weighs heavily upon me

Those voices [the dharma teachings I have given to my devoted disciples]

I speak again and again

A sudden surge of sorrow fills my heart

I find myself turned into a naked child [having given everything I have to my devoted disciples]

There will come a day

There will come a page

I will write [my] very last page

Reflect upon this

Please listen quietly to the words of my vow:

I truly wish to take all of you,

To bring everyone along [to the Maha Twin Lotus Ponds]

Sheng-Yen Lu

17102 NE 40th CT Redmond

WA 98052

USA

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